Having Leprosy is great because ....

Having leprosy is great because it’s one guarantee way of making money for doing absolutely nothing. I would love it. I wish I had it, I try, I spot out Lepers and follow them around all day, desperately picking up germs, eating their left over stale bread and butter sandwiches, and feeling the edges where their soggy saliva has dribbled from their salivating mouths. The truth is I’m lazy.

I’ve tried pretending I had it but everyone cottoned on when my fake nose fell off. And my condition never got any worse. A leper sits there and gets given food, money, drink, attention, everybody gives a dying person a lot.

Simon, I remember him, I was certain he would infect me, by the time I started stalking him he only had on demented ear, five fingers, a thumb, 6 toes and part of his nose. I used to stare a him from a distance and study his fleshy pours. I imagined how itchy it would be, how this sensation would cover my entire body, it would control me. The feeling o shedding skin, a serpent snake born ‘a new’ slivering out of my old tired skin, into something un recognizable.

No thought excited me more.

I decided to plea with him after three weeks of stealing his germs in hope, his condition was clearly deteriorating where as I, fit as a firefighter.

“Erm, hello, so can you cough on me or something? Or give me a finger? See look, we both know it’s going to fall off soon, see it’s half gone.”

It was true, his middle finger was already down to it’s second joint, but a large gash wound at his knuckle meant the remaining part was dangling, clearly very near to it’s end. Oozing out a garbage bin liquid, it squelched every time his stiff hand moved.

Nonetheless he looked at me in horror.

I don’t understand, all I want is leprosy and I can’t even get that.